From time to time, life can get you down. Right now, I feel a sadness. And when I look at it deeply, I see that it comes from disappointment. I have an expectation that the world should exist in such a way, but it does not hold up to that idea, so I feel let down.
Life has ups and downs. This phrase is used so much that we might be numb to its meaning. If you are in a down moment, I don't want to tell you that it will pass and a brighter moment is just ahead. It may be true but it is not helpful. The real message is that we can't go about running from sadness and clinging on to happiness. This is a denial of life itself. If we are to live as awakened souls, whole and at peace within our selves, we need to live and be at peace with the whole of it, not just the parts which are agreeable to our conditioned preferences.
What do I mean by conditioned preferences? If I am miserable in winter and spend it dreaming of summer, I am conditioned. If I do not feel respectable without a suit and tie, I am conditioned. If my expression of life is limited by my environment and I am blown this way and that by the winds of circumstance, then I am confined, segmented, and compartmentalised, and whenever I align with the preferences which arise from such conditions, I reinforce them further.
Let us say that I look at the world and I see its suffering. I see the corrupt in power, and the forests burning, and the liberties of beautiful people being eroded away. Does my observation of this suffering prevent me from enjoying the beauty and wonder that is present everywhere? Why would I desire that things should be different to how they are? The sadness that I feel is due to a strong sense of empathy and connection with the people of the world. Is it important that I feel happiness from this connection, and is it a problem if it causes me to feel sad? Can I not simply dive into this sense of unity and shared suffering without blinding myself to the shared joy of living?
To live life in its fullest, we must learn to live beyond our conditionings, in the downs as much as the ups. If I am sad or disappointed or frustrated, what does that feel like? Where does it come from, and can I possibly interpret what is happening in another way? The understanding that springs from these questions is only possible if we allow ourselves to be with the experience. As soon as we label it or condemn it to some unpleasant corner of the mind, it ceases to be something that helps us to grow. It becomes only a pain, which is bound to manifest itself again and again.
Just as we should not cling to happiness, neither should we be embracing our dark side and becoming comfortable in our self-destructive tendencies. What I hope to communicate with you is that when life gets us down, we are brought face to face with reality and this is where wisdom can happen.
There are less opportunities for wisdom when life always goes our way. When we are happy and comfortable, we become ignorant and dull. We lose the fire of life and we take things for granted. And so many of us pursue and cling on to happiness and comfort. How often in our lives are we willing to put aside our little bubbles of safety and dive into the infinite possibilities that life brings? We create a partition in our lives of good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant, and we do what we can to stay on one side of that.
And if we are established on the pleasant side of that fence, it is not until we lose what we have that we realise how much it all means to us. That we weren't even enjoying our good fortune while it lasted. We were so surrounded by peace, love, and joy, that we did not notice it. Within consumer culture of this world, even the wealthy focus on what they are missing - the next gadget, the matching pieces of their wardrobe, and their career advances, rather than appreciating the wealth and health that they have. How common is it that we really appreciate the fact and convenience of running water, the security of securing our next meal, and the peace of eating that meal undisturbed? Imagine losing the ability of sight or having a ringing of the ear that means you will never again know silence? Or losing your ability to remember as happens in dementia? For those that experience them, these losses can cause such grief, but why is it that our having them does not cause commensurate joy?
We are familiar with the concept of hitting rock bottom, when life seems to be at its darkest. When things get so unpleasant that we are forced to drop the mask and see ourselves for who we are. And when it happens, it's a relief because we no longer need to pretend - there is no fake appearance that we need to uphold. No longer any need for deceit. We don't realise how strongly we were resisting until we become so exhausted that we can't put up with it any longer. In these moments, and they don't happen often, we are freed from the false dichotomy of comfort and fear and we make the decision to live in earnest. However painful it may be, at least it is true. If we can accept this state, it is clear that the richness of life is there in plain sight. There is so much that is brought to the surface and we can get to work at disentangling ourselves from all that baggage while we have that opportunity. It is like emptying the contents of our purse and choosing for ourselves what we want to carry on with.
As wonderful as it is to be brought so low that we are forced to confront what is there within us, there is no need for us to be driven to a crisis before arriving at such an insight. We have the opportunity to live at each and every moment. It is a matter of awareness and choice.
This is the purpose of establishing a regular practice of yoga - that we practise this awareness and honesty. How am I feeling in this moment? What is my state of being? How do I feel in the forward bend? The inversion? And can I be equanimous throughout the different poses, whether they are easy or difficult, pleasant or unpleasant? Can I apply this practice to my work? My relationships? In isolation and in company? Is there something that I am avoiding, and can I be accepting of reality no matter what conditions I happen to be in? These are the questions that are represented by the concept of Svadhyaya (self-study).
We must learn to live with the downs of life just as much as the ups, and when we do, so much of us is brought to the surface. This aspect of us would remain invisible to us within a life of comfort unless we are perceptive enough to see it.
When life happens, the yogi is there for it. It doesn't matter what colour it is, whether it is painful or pleasant, life is life. We are here for all of it. This is the path of wholeness and union.
In vulnerability and truth, the light is in all.