The other day, I met a man at the park. He shared with me how excited he was about wanting to start meditation. So, we had a chat about what he was looking forward to, and what meditation was all about. I find it curious that so many people want to try meditation. I think that some of the reason they haven't started already is that there are many different ideas about what meditation is. These different ideas can be confusing or off-putting for people. To me, a useful way of looking at it is building a relationship with your own self.
The keys to a good relationship are spending time together, being present, trust, openness, and being a good listener. When we think of all the relationships we have with people in our lives, and how much value we place on those relationships, isn't it strange that so many of us don't have a good relationship with our own self? Such a relationship could be a source of love, encouragement, wisdom, and companionship, but sadly, many of us don't have that.
There are reasons for that, of course. We live in an age of constant distraction and seemingly endless responsibilities. We face demands and social pressures on how we spend our time, and what we prioritise. Many of us don't spend time with our selves; we are constantly engaged in activities that bring us outside our selves. The result is that we are unfamiliar with our own thoughts, and for many of us, such thoughts are frankly uncomfortable and cause us to avoid the quiet intimacy of being alone with ourselves.
To remedy this strangeness is a great reason to start meditating, and it is a great way to start to understand what meditation is. Meditation is not the chanting of mantras or affirmations, it is not an interrogation, and it is not a forced discipline in which we tame a wild mind.
It is simply getting to know someone. Think of the people that are close to you. How well do they really know you, and how well do you know them? Who they are, really, as opposed to narratives of who they are, or what they mean to you. It is evident that we'll probably never get to know them completely, but we can get closer by spending time with them, listening, asking questions, empathizing, and simply noticing what they do and say. The way we build a relationship with ourselves is no different.
Once we learn this gentle art of self-listening, and self-observing, our own self becomes a source of companionship, wisdom, and love. And it is on this path of self-discovery that we learn to understand that the self is not limited to the ego's attachment to this physical or mental body. As such, meditation gradually becomes about our relationship with life itself. What better relationship could there possibly be to nurture and grow?
Namaste.